Marital Bliss
We fall in love, get married, have children and raise a family. Over the years, love deepens, the bond strengthens, but our feeling of marital satisfaction waxes and wanes. During the "bad times," there is more arguing and blaming, less sharing and touching, fewer moments of joy and appreciation. But we weather the storms, and some 50 percent of us do stay married.
We fall in love, get married, have children and raise a family. Over the years, love deepens, the bond strengthens, but our feeling of marital satisfaction waxes and wanes. During the "bad times," there is more arguing and blaming, less sharing and touching, fewer moments of joy and appreciation. But we weather the storms, and some 50 percent of us do stay married.
What most couples don't realize, say marriage experts, is that there are things they can do to ensure better times than worse, to make riding out the storms smoother and easier.
Marriage is like a beautiful garden, says Renee Colclough Hinson, Ph.D., executive director of The Association for Couples in Marriage Enrichment. "It requires skill and constant attention. If tended to, it will thrive, but if neglected, it will wither and die."
It Takes Work — For All of Us"You mean I have to work at it?" Yup. "There is no couple that doesn't have to work hard at improving their relationship," says Sallie Foley, MSW, author of Sex Matters for Women and an instructor at the University of Michigan. Believing that the good times will continue to roll on their own is setup for disappointment and disillusionment, she adds.
The fact is that all marriages have problems that cause conflict and strain the relationship.
Among the most common problems:
Money. There never seems to be enough, or if there is, one person is upset about how the other spends it.
Sex. It's the reason 45 percent of couples seek marriage counseling. Usually, one partner desires sex more often and on different terms than the other.
Work. Partners have different role expectations about who does what within and outside of the home.
Children. Couples may disagree over how to raise and discipline children.
Positive Communicators Fare BestThese problems won't lead to marital meltdown if you can talk about them constructively with your partner.
John Gottman, University of Washington psychology professor and founder of The Gottman Institute, has videotaped more than 3,000 couples to try and isolate the conditions that make relationships thrive or fail. He's found that when discussing a problem, an unhappy couple starts out by criticizing a partner's behavior. Then comes an attack on the partner's personality or character, followed by expressions of contempt — a particularly corrosive factor. Naturally, the attacked partner goes on the defensive, prompting a counterattack. A fight ensues, and needless to say, the problem is neither directly addressed nor solved.
By contrast, happy couples use five times more positive behaviors in their arguments than negative ones, Gottman has found. For instance, they draw on humor to relieve tension and pepper the conversation with expressions of affection to maintain calm. Don't despair if you don't communicate like one of Gottman's happy couples. You can learn the tricks of the trade — so to speak — says Colclough Hinson.
To see how good communications can help solve marital problems, let's consider a typical cause of friction, i.e., the wife feels her workload has become too great and she wants her spouse to help out with the kids.
Here's What You Should Do:
Send "I" Messages. A good example is: "I'm concerned about the current state of affairs of home. Can we set aside some time to discuss our roles, responsibilities and chores around the house?" "You" statements are demanding, critical and controlling, but "I" statements are self-revealing and invite real listening and understanding, notes Colclough Hinson. When you ask to set aside a mutually agreed time to talk, you are showing sensitivity to the other's needs — now may not be the best time for him to talk. Furthermore, you both make a commitment to focus attention on the problem in the near future.
Be Empathetic. Listen to your partner and give empathetic responses to the content of the message you're receiving. "I understand that you feel you are being taken for granted because you do most of the work with the kids. I'd like to help reduce your burden." The point is to be thoughtful about how you respond. It could be a statement of acknowledgement — "What you are saying is" an affectionate touch of the hand, or a sincere look. In short, you want to convey to your partner that you care and can see the problem through her or his eyes.
Think It Through. Come up with a solution you both can accept. This action will reinforce shared decision-making. Be sure to discuss the obstacles that may thwart achieving the solution and develop strategies to work around them. For instance, suppose you agree to put the kids to bed three nights a week but find that you have to work late on one of your "on" nights. What will you do?
Provide Feedback. "I really appreciate it when you put the kids to bed. I don't feel like I have sole responsibility for the care of the children." Positive feedback will encourage your partner to stick with the solution.
The next time you want to work out a problem with your spouse, consider following the steps above. They'll keep a difficult-to-have conversation from sliding into negativity — the ruin of more than one relationship.
A marriage is one of the most precious relationships in which two people can participate. Approached from the proper perspective, it can provide a springboard for living a life full of properity and abundance. Statistics don't paint a pretty picture of the state of marriage. Successful marriages are becoming very rare, one in every three marriages usually ends up in divorce. Married couples and experts do agree that the magical yet simple element in all relationships is the constant open and honest communication. Happily married couples have reciprocal respect for each other. Respect is shown in the way they regard each other in actions and in words - the ability to communicate effectively is key.
In marriage, successful couples give their relationship paramount importance. They enjoy each other's company and spend quality time together, like dating regularly. Establishing their relationship as the number one priority provides the foundation to handle any circumstance that might arise as the relationship matures.
Each spouse must learn not to give importance to minor faults and flaws; determine the really important issues and those that are not. They become aware that the purpose or their conflicts war not really to win, but rather to establish a deeper relationship. Successful marriages are all not alike. But researchers have discovered that there are some traits present in happy married couples that contribute to the success of their marriage. Traits that of happily married couples include:
– Spouses in the relationship are giving. They prioritize the needs of their partners above their own.
– There is commitment between each of them. They continue to work for their partner's happiness and are driven to work hard on their marriage.
– Being strong-minded makes their bond stronger. While they cherish their individuality in expressing their opinions, making decisions and pursuing goals, putting their marital relationship in harmony is their priorities.
– These couples have active sexual lives. Sex plays a significant role in marriage, therefore they always find ways to make it more pleasurable.
– There is constant communication in their marriage. They are free to share their thoughts and opinions about anything. They are not manipulative of the other but allowing each one to grow.
– Each one is sensitive to the other's need.
– They establish goals together. They agree on their goals as 'partners in life'.
Marriage is a commitment for courageous individuals ready to risk their emotions, hard work, and challenges of building a life together. It is a bond between two people that allows them to live truly prosperous lives full of abundance. Love is about two people. It is not a one way street. Love needs nurturing. It needs attention. When you truly love someone you do not even need to wonder if love is about always thinking about the other person. You just know that is what love is all about. Once you realize that you have truly understood the meaning of love. One of the biggest questions about love and relationships is if love is always thinking about the other person. The answer to this question is a simple yes. Love is partly about always thinking about the other person. This does not mean you have to obsess over them but you should always consider them when making decisions throughout your day. When you are in a relationship you are responsible for doing things and acting in a way that would please your partner. You are responsible for not making mistakes or doing things that can hurt them. The most successful romantic relationships are based on two people who always put their partner above themselves and always consider their partners feelings and opinions.
With consideration for the other person the relationship is not in a very good place. In order to have a strong relationship you have to have respect and loyalty. When one person stops thinking about the other they start to do things that are disrespectful and hurtful. By always thinking about the other in a relationship you are sure to never step out of line. You are going to be able to think about what they need and what they want to make them happy and if you truly love them this will make you happy. Love is not selfish and it is not about getting what you want all the time. Love is about giving and taking; it is about equality; it is about happiness; it is about respect. Love is always thinking about the other person.
A great example of betraying love and what happens when a person stops thinking about the other person is adultery. This is often the ultimate sin in a relationship and the cause for many relationships that have ended. Adultery is selfish and it has nothing to do with the other person in the relationship. It is hurtful and completely disrespectful. In order to have a strong relationship both people have to always be thinking about the other person. This does not mean that every little thing they do or every moment of every day should be spent thinking of the other person. What it means is that both people in a relationship should always think of the other person when they are about to do something that could impact them both.
In romantic relationships, as with so much else, it’s the little things that count. Just as a mis-spoken word or odd look can throw a couple into a weeks-long feud, small and seemingly insignificant gestures can help keep a relationship on track. A little gift, an off-hand compliment, a moment of physical contact can vastly strengthen a relationship. According to psychologists Nathaniel Branden and Robert Sternberg, who have both researched and written about the challenges of romantic relationships, these little displays of interest and affection can be more important than all the "active listening" and trust games in the world. Their research has suggested 10 keys to keeping both partners content, satisfied, and happy with each other.
– Tell your partner you love them.
Although it’s true that actions speak louder than words, words often speak more clearly than actions. Take a moment every now and then to verbalize your feelings for your partner. A simple “I love you” or “You mean the world to me” can go a long way towards making your significant other feel wanted, cared for, and secure in your relationship.
– Show some affection.
Small acts of physical intimacy – the hand on the small of the back as you brush by in the hallway, your arm around their shoulder on the sofa, your hand on their thigh when seated side-by-side, holding hands while walking down the street – give your partner a warm feeling and convey the love and affection you feel for them. The littlest touch can be as important, or even more important, than the longest night of sexual intimacy.
– Show appreciation for your partner.
Let your partner know on a regular basis what it is that you like most about them – what you admire, what makes you proud, what their strengths are in your eyes. Building a romantic relationship isn’t jsut about the initial bonding – it’s about encouraging and supporting each other’s growth over the course of your lives. Help your partner achieve his or her potential by constantly building them up.
– Share yourself.
Don’t keep your likes and dislikes, dreams and fears, achievements and mistakes, or anything else to yourself. If it’s important to you, share it with your partner. More than that, be sure to share more with your partner than you do with anyone else. While there is certainly a need for some personal space in even the closest relationship, give as much of yourself and your time as you can bear to your partner.
– Be there for your partner.
It’s obvious what you need to do when your partner faces a major life challenge like the loss of a job or the death of a loved one. But it’s just as important to be supportive when your partner faces life’s little challenges, too – an argument at work, a rough commute, a misplaced check. Don’t let yourself be a doormat, and definitely don’t stand for physical or verbal abuse, but thicken your skin a little and be the voice of calm and reason when chaos strikes. Listen to what’s bothering them and offer whatever help – even if it’s just sympathy – you can.
– Give gifts.
Take advantages of opportunities to give material tokens of your love. Just the right book picked up at the bookstore, a special dessert, a piece of jewelry or clothing you noticed at the store – anything small or large that tells them you were thinking of them. Leave a love note for them, or send them an SMS at work to “I love you” – again, the little reminder that they’re always on your mind will help your partner feel better about themselves and secure in your relationship.
– Respond gracefully to your partner’s demands and shortcomings.
A big killer of relationships is unreasonable expectations. Unless you married a robot, your partner comes pre-loaded with a whole range of human failures and foibles. These are features, not bugs! Learn to recognize and appreciate your partner’s quirks for what they are: an essential part of who they are as people. Since our weaknesses are often at the core of our deepest insecurities, make sure you don’t pick on or otherwise go out of your way to highlight your partner’s flaws.
– Make "alone time" a priority.
No matter how busy both of your lives are, make sure you commit at least an evening every week or two to be alone together. Have new experiences, share your stories, and just generally enjoy each other’s company.
– Take nothing for granted.
Cultivate a daily sense of gratitude for your partner and the thousands of little blessings he or she has brought into your life. Remember that, if you’re happy in your relationship, your partner is doing a thousand little things for you every day to make your relationship work (as, hopefully, you are for them). Never take that for granted – a relationship is work of the highest order, and the second you stop it starts to slide away.
– Strive for equality.
Make sure you follow the Golden Rule in your relationship: do unto your partner as you would have done unto you. Strive for a fair division of household duties and other tasks, and don’t expect or demand special considerations you’d be unwilling to offer in return.
The secrets of successful love relationships
Every relationship needs a solid foundation if it's to survive all life can throw at it. The seven essentials that spell success.
1. Love yourself
Unless you love yourself, it's hard for you to believe that anyone else will.
Self-esteem is important for a healthy relationship. When you truly like yourself, in spite of any failings and weaknesses you may have, you'll feel confident. And when you feel confident and secure within yourself, you can enjoy being with your partner for the joy they bring to your life, not because you feel you need them to survive.
If you've had bad experiences in the past, it's worth working through these issues with a trusted friend or counsellor. It can be tempting to lean on your partner and rely on them for reassurance, but the stronger you are as an individual, the stronger and more equal your relationship will be.
2. Like your partner
Healthy relationships happen between two people who really like each other. It may be more romantic to talk about love, but it's important to remember that love is an emotion that comes and goes.
If you genuinely like each other, enjoy being together, agree with how each other thinks and behaves, and share the same dreams in life, then loving feelings will never be too far away.
It's important to tell your partner you like them, too. Warm words of encouragement and support build trust and respect. Add the odd compliment as well and you'll be helping to boost their self-esteem.
3. Make quality time
The importance of things can be measured by the amount of time we're willing to give them. When a couple first gets together, they instinctively prioritise their relationship. But as time goes by and life gets busier with work and children, time together often slips down the list of priorities.
If you don't spend regular quality time together, chances are you'll drift apart. Making such time for each other may mean sacrificing other activities, but remember it's an investment in your future happiness.
4. Communicate
Good communication is essential for a healthy relationship. It's the only way you can tell your partner who you are, what you want and why you behave the way you do. Talking is the way we let each other into our private worlds.
Communicating better is about learning to say openly and honestly exactly what you think and feel. It also means listening to your partner without judgement.
5. Argue well
It's important to accept that arguments are a normal part of a relationship. We're all unique and so we're bound to have our differences.
Couples who argue well don't have to worry about not always agreeing. A good argument is an opportunity to share your feelings and strengthen your bond by reaching a decision you're both happy with. It can be an experience that leaves you both feeling more confident about your relationship and brings you closer together.
6. Touch every day
Touching is a vital human need. Studies have shown that without touching, many animals - including humans - will die in childhood. Being caressed also lowers blood pressure and releases natural opiates in the brain, as well as the chemical oxytocin, which is essential for human pair-bonding.
Touch has the power to comfort and support, to protect and encourage, to relax and, of course, to arouse. Every couple knows their sex life may have dry periods, but our need for physical affection never changes.
7. Accept change
People change over the years and it's these changes that can keep a relationship alive. Life changes too - and not always in ways that we want.
Change can provide opportunities for growth and intimacy, but it can also be painful. It may mean adjusting to a new way of thinking or a new way of life. It may also mean letting go of things that have been familiar and safe.
In successful relationships, couples learn to adapt and change together. They accept that change is an inevitable part of human life and support each other, for better for worse.
Keeping all seven principles going isn't easy, but the more you can manage on a regular basis, the stronger your relationships will be.
The Relationship between two good friends
What is friendship, and love? Is there a difference? These are two of the questions that have always intrigued most people. Unfortunately, precise and concise answers to such a question cannot be given. The least that can be said about these two is that both complement each other and that friendship is a subset of love! Friends are a gift of God. If we have good friends, we should assume that God has showered us with His unlimited grace. What does a good friend mean? What are the differences between ordinary friends and good friends? What is friendship? Let us begin our enquiry by asking about what is friendship? Can it be defined? What is the relationship of friendship? What qualities does this relationship have? When two persons share common interests, care for each other, enjoy being together and help each other, they are called as friends. Is this a correct definition? It broadly covers the areas of friendship.
Friendship is not a state of mind, it's an act. It's something you do, it's not about whether you're good or not, it's not a reflection of you, it's a balanced relationship between people. It varies from person to person. But to define friendship loosely one could say that:
We call those people our friends whom;
– We care and are ready to help us during times of distress
– With whom we share most of our thoughts
– We can always count upon our during an emergency
Friendship and love are not quite the same thing, although there's a lot of love around friendship. We are always sure that our friend will understand why we acted in a certain way. We need not explain anything to our very good friends. The friendship is so deep and the relationship is so intimate, that most of the things are automatically understood by our friends. For being a good friend, we should share more of these qualities. Is that right? Say, you share some interests with your friend, and there are few things that interest you, but are of no interest to your friend. Does this make your friendship ordinary? Sit back and count your good friends. Now count the interests that you share and those that you don’t. Is there any mathematical formula? Can one be a good friend, even if one shares very few interests? Provided of course, that our qualities that I mentioned above are in plenty?
What about caring for each other? Many a times, we find that friends are careless in their relationship, but when it comes to crunch situations, they come forward with all their might and show tremendous care. Does this imply, that even if a friend is not much caring on a day-to-day basis, he/she can still be a good friend, if there is a strong affinity that brings them together? Let us talk of enjoying each other’s company. Does this mean that good friends avoid others? Are they always found together? What if they don’t meet each other for a month? This relationship is indefinable. Isn’t it? Because being a good friend of someone may mean that we care for each other deeply, but need not show it always. We are ready to help whenever the need arises. That even if we are not together all the time, we love being together. We defend each other whenever any external threat arises. The last test is the final test of good friendship. Friends may remain away for a long period and continue
with their life, but when the need arises, they are together. They share a bond that ties them together. They have shared so much with each other that the past always carries itself in the future.
Friendship means that we like each other. We have shared some great moments together. We value and respect each other. Unless there is a bond of hearts and emotions, no outward sign can make a friendship good.
Platonic Relationships: Can Men and Women Just Be Close Friends?
Sometimes close friendships develop between men and women that seem to offer advantages over traditional relationships. They can share their ups and downs without being burdened by any expectations of having to provide the answers to each other's problems. Perhaps one or both of them are coming out of painfulrelationships and they therefore enjoy the opportunity to interact without the added stress of physical intimacy. Platonicrelationships can be beneficial on both sides, but are they feasible to sustain over the long haul?Though the notion of suchrelationships continues to persist, the fact remains that few of the people involved in them manage to resist the temptation to want to move things to the next level. A warm and close interaction indicates that affection is present, and it's only natural that we would want to give it an outlet. Human beings express themselves as much through their bodies as through their words.Nor is "heating up" an innocent friendship the only way of ending it. What if the two people feel no attraction towards each other? Then they will (unless they plan on entering a monastery) inevitably get involved with other people. It's very rare that a platonic connection can survive a new relationship, because its dynamics will almost certainly shift. A man, for example, would have a new confidante: his girlfriend. She may - quite understandably - feel threatened by his connection with another female. He can then either sacrifice the platonic friendship if his needs are being met by his girlfriend, or else hold onto it because he has a unique interaction with his friend - and this would put strain on the relationship. If his platonic friend enters into a relationship herself, then the rules of engagement can become too complicated for anyone to get their head around. Just like any other relationship, platonic relationships have got their own challenges. It can be very hard to maintain a platonic relationship without having some feeling for your friend. The more time you spend with a member of the opposite sex the more you grow to love them and appreciate them. You might even start seeing them attractive and start having imagination of how the two of you would look like if you were together. You might even go ahead and ask your platonic friend if you can stop being just friends and start being more. Your platonic friend might not take it nicely and you might end up loosing a great friendship. Your partner might not get it that what you have with your friend is just a platonic relationship and nothing else to it. They might even try to break you up with your friend. You are then left to choose between your partner and your friend which is a hard thing to do. If you choose not to break up with your platonic friend it could be reason enough for you and your partner to have constant fights. Your friends too might not accept that what the two of you have is just pure friendship and nothing else. You will constantly have to explain to everyone around you that the two of you are just friends who like any other friends in the world share each other's joy and sorrow and that you enjoy each other's company. In a platonic relationship, you might encounter a problem of drawing a boundary when it comes to sex. In a platonic relationship, the partners might find it hard to resist their sexual desires. This is particularly hard if the two of you are single and your sexual desires are not met. You might all decide to indulge in sexual pleasures forgetting that your friendship was not based on sex in the first place. It might also happen that the other person does not quite approve of this and you end up loosing your friendship. You are left with constant fear of telling your platonic friend the truth because you do not want to loose them. At the same time you are being dishonest to your friend. You cannot totally be free to treat a platonic relationship like you would any other friendship. You are left worrying about how your friend will interpret a certain gesture. You could have done it out of a friendship point of view but your friend totally misinterprets you. For example, you can hug and kiss a friend every time you meet with them in a public place. When it comes to a platonic friend you become a little preserved about it. This is because you worry about what your friend will think and say and at the same time you are not so sure what kind of message you are sending to your platonic friend. They could interpret the kisses and hugs as a go on and be my boyfriend or girlfriend.
Times are changing and nowadays they exists good relationships between members of the opposite sex. These relationships are popularly know as Platonic relationships. In this relationship you can do everything friends do except to have sex. Platonic relationships can only survive if both parties are honest with themselves and there is no one who is in the relationship for other things but friendship. It is however common for people who were in a platonic relationship to end up having a romantic relationship. It is actually said that successful relationship start of with the couple being friends first. This is because, when you get to know a person, you will tend to fall in love with their characters. You might even find them attractive once you stay long with them. However if you are in a platonic relationship and you have a romantic relationship, this is what you should do.You should come clean to your boyfriend or girlfriend and tell them you have a platonic relationship. You should assure them that even though the other person is your best friend you do not have a romantic feeling for them. What you have is a feeling of care and friendship. Make sure you introduce the two of them to each other. This is to avoid a lot of misunderstanding between the two of them. This will also tell your partner that you are being honest and there is nothing wrong that you are doing with your platonic mate.Whenever the three of you are together, you should make sure that the person you are having a platonic relationship with respects your mate and gives them the respect they deserve. If he or she should do something that is generally unacceptable you should make a point of telling them it was unacceptable. You should not always take sides with your platonic friend. Even if they are always right. You can choose not to be on any one's side if you are arguing about something. If you take sides with your platonic friend your boyfriend or girlfriend might misinterpret it to be that you are in love with them. You might also find it hard to convince them otherwise if you keep taking your platonic friend side.Treat your platonic relationships as you would any friendship. You should never flirt with your platonic friend for whatever reason. This is because once you start flirting you might never know when to stop. Though it is okay to hug your friends and kiss them, you should watch carefully how you treat your platonic friend. Do not give a lingering hug, one that might suggests that you love them and you would wish their were your boyfriend or girlfriend. You should also behave appropriately when his or here mate is around. If you act jealous your boyfriend or girlfriend might be forced to think you have some feeling for them. Treat their mate with respect. You can even compliment them on their choice of mate so that they do not get confused about your stand.
Marriage is like a beautiful garden, says Renee Colclough Hinson, Ph.D., executive director of The Association for Couples in Marriage Enrichment. "It requires skill and constant attention. If tended to, it will thrive, but if neglected, it will wither and die."
It Takes Work — For All of Us"You mean I have to work at it?" Yup. "There is no couple that doesn't have to work hard at improving their relationship," says Sallie Foley, MSW, author of Sex Matters for Women and an instructor at the University of Michigan. Believing that the good times will continue to roll on their own is setup for disappointment and disillusionment, she adds.
The fact is that all marriages have problems that cause conflict and strain the relationship.
Among the most common problems:
Money. There never seems to be enough, or if there is, one person is upset about how the other spends it.
Sex. It's the reason 45 percent of couples seek marriage counseling. Usually, one partner desires sex more often and on different terms than the other.
Work. Partners have different role expectations about who does what within and outside of the home.
Children. Couples may disagree over how to raise and discipline children.
Positive Communicators Fare BestThese problems won't lead to marital meltdown if you can talk about them constructively with your partner.
John Gottman, University of Washington psychology professor and founder of The Gottman Institute, has videotaped more than 3,000 couples to try and isolate the conditions that make relationships thrive or fail. He's found that when discussing a problem, an unhappy couple starts out by criticizing a partner's behavior. Then comes an attack on the partner's personality or character, followed by expressions of contempt — a particularly corrosive factor. Naturally, the attacked partner goes on the defensive, prompting a counterattack. A fight ensues, and needless to say, the problem is neither directly addressed nor solved.
By contrast, happy couples use five times more positive behaviors in their arguments than negative ones, Gottman has found. For instance, they draw on humor to relieve tension and pepper the conversation with expressions of affection to maintain calm. Don't despair if you don't communicate like one of Gottman's happy couples. You can learn the tricks of the trade — so to speak — says Colclough Hinson.
To see how good communications can help solve marital problems, let's consider a typical cause of friction, i.e., the wife feels her workload has become too great and she wants her spouse to help out with the kids.
Here's What You Should Do:
Send "I" Messages. A good example is: "I'm concerned about the current state of affairs of home. Can we set aside some time to discuss our roles, responsibilities and chores around the house?" "You" statements are demanding, critical and controlling, but "I" statements are self-revealing and invite real listening and understanding, notes Colclough Hinson. When you ask to set aside a mutually agreed time to talk, you are showing sensitivity to the other's needs — now may not be the best time for him to talk. Furthermore, you both make a commitment to focus attention on the problem in the near future.
Be Empathetic. Listen to your partner and give empathetic responses to the content of the message you're receiving. "I understand that you feel you are being taken for granted because you do most of the work with the kids. I'd like to help reduce your burden." The point is to be thoughtful about how you respond. It could be a statement of acknowledgement — "What you are saying is" an affectionate touch of the hand, or a sincere look. In short, you want to convey to your partner that you care and can see the problem through her or his eyes.
Think It Through. Come up with a solution you both can accept. This action will reinforce shared decision-making. Be sure to discuss the obstacles that may thwart achieving the solution and develop strategies to work around them. For instance, suppose you agree to put the kids to bed three nights a week but find that you have to work late on one of your "on" nights. What will you do?
Provide Feedback. "I really appreciate it when you put the kids to bed. I don't feel like I have sole responsibility for the care of the children." Positive feedback will encourage your partner to stick with the solution.
The next time you want to work out a problem with your spouse, consider following the steps above. They'll keep a difficult-to-have conversation from sliding into negativity — the ruin of more than one relationship.
A marriage is one of the most precious relationships in which two people can participate. Approached from the proper perspective, it can provide a springboard for living a life full of properity and abundance. Statistics don't paint a pretty picture of the state of marriage. Successful marriages are becoming very rare, one in every three marriages usually ends up in divorce. Married couples and experts do agree that the magical yet simple element in all relationships is the constant open and honest communication. Happily married couples have reciprocal respect for each other. Respect is shown in the way they regard each other in actions and in words - the ability to communicate effectively is key.
In marriage, successful couples give their relationship paramount importance. They enjoy each other's company and spend quality time together, like dating regularly. Establishing their relationship as the number one priority provides the foundation to handle any circumstance that might arise as the relationship matures.
Each spouse must learn not to give importance to minor faults and flaws; determine the really important issues and those that are not. They become aware that the purpose or their conflicts war not really to win, but rather to establish a deeper relationship. Successful marriages are all not alike. But researchers have discovered that there are some traits present in happy married couples that contribute to the success of their marriage. Traits that of happily married couples include:
– Spouses in the relationship are giving. They prioritize the needs of their partners above their own.
– There is commitment between each of them. They continue to work for their partner's happiness and are driven to work hard on their marriage.
– Being strong-minded makes their bond stronger. While they cherish their individuality in expressing their opinions, making decisions and pursuing goals, putting their marital relationship in harmony is their priorities.
– These couples have active sexual lives. Sex plays a significant role in marriage, therefore they always find ways to make it more pleasurable.
– There is constant communication in their marriage. They are free to share their thoughts and opinions about anything. They are not manipulative of the other but allowing each one to grow.
– Each one is sensitive to the other's need.
– They establish goals together. They agree on their goals as 'partners in life'.
Marriage is a commitment for courageous individuals ready to risk their emotions, hard work, and challenges of building a life together. It is a bond between two people that allows them to live truly prosperous lives full of abundance. Love is about two people. It is not a one way street. Love needs nurturing. It needs attention. When you truly love someone you do not even need to wonder if love is about always thinking about the other person. You just know that is what love is all about. Once you realize that you have truly understood the meaning of love. One of the biggest questions about love and relationships is if love is always thinking about the other person. The answer to this question is a simple yes. Love is partly about always thinking about the other person. This does not mean you have to obsess over them but you should always consider them when making decisions throughout your day. When you are in a relationship you are responsible for doing things and acting in a way that would please your partner. You are responsible for not making mistakes or doing things that can hurt them. The most successful romantic relationships are based on two people who always put their partner above themselves and always consider their partners feelings and opinions.
With consideration for the other person the relationship is not in a very good place. In order to have a strong relationship you have to have respect and loyalty. When one person stops thinking about the other they start to do things that are disrespectful and hurtful. By always thinking about the other in a relationship you are sure to never step out of line. You are going to be able to think about what they need and what they want to make them happy and if you truly love them this will make you happy. Love is not selfish and it is not about getting what you want all the time. Love is about giving and taking; it is about equality; it is about happiness; it is about respect. Love is always thinking about the other person.
A great example of betraying love and what happens when a person stops thinking about the other person is adultery. This is often the ultimate sin in a relationship and the cause for many relationships that have ended. Adultery is selfish and it has nothing to do with the other person in the relationship. It is hurtful and completely disrespectful. In order to have a strong relationship both people have to always be thinking about the other person. This does not mean that every little thing they do or every moment of every day should be spent thinking of the other person. What it means is that both people in a relationship should always think of the other person when they are about to do something that could impact them both.
In romantic relationships, as with so much else, it’s the little things that count. Just as a mis-spoken word or odd look can throw a couple into a weeks-long feud, small and seemingly insignificant gestures can help keep a relationship on track. A little gift, an off-hand compliment, a moment of physical contact can vastly strengthen a relationship. According to psychologists Nathaniel Branden and Robert Sternberg, who have both researched and written about the challenges of romantic relationships, these little displays of interest and affection can be more important than all the "active listening" and trust games in the world. Their research has suggested 10 keys to keeping both partners content, satisfied, and happy with each other.
– Tell your partner you love them.
Although it’s true that actions speak louder than words, words often speak more clearly than actions. Take a moment every now and then to verbalize your feelings for your partner. A simple “I love you” or “You mean the world to me” can go a long way towards making your significant other feel wanted, cared for, and secure in your relationship.
– Show some affection.
Small acts of physical intimacy – the hand on the small of the back as you brush by in the hallway, your arm around their shoulder on the sofa, your hand on their thigh when seated side-by-side, holding hands while walking down the street – give your partner a warm feeling and convey the love and affection you feel for them. The littlest touch can be as important, or even more important, than the longest night of sexual intimacy.
– Show appreciation for your partner.
Let your partner know on a regular basis what it is that you like most about them – what you admire, what makes you proud, what their strengths are in your eyes. Building a romantic relationship isn’t jsut about the initial bonding – it’s about encouraging and supporting each other’s growth over the course of your lives. Help your partner achieve his or her potential by constantly building them up.
– Share yourself.
Don’t keep your likes and dislikes, dreams and fears, achievements and mistakes, or anything else to yourself. If it’s important to you, share it with your partner. More than that, be sure to share more with your partner than you do with anyone else. While there is certainly a need for some personal space in even the closest relationship, give as much of yourself and your time as you can bear to your partner.
– Be there for your partner.
It’s obvious what you need to do when your partner faces a major life challenge like the loss of a job or the death of a loved one. But it’s just as important to be supportive when your partner faces life’s little challenges, too – an argument at work, a rough commute, a misplaced check. Don’t let yourself be a doormat, and definitely don’t stand for physical or verbal abuse, but thicken your skin a little and be the voice of calm and reason when chaos strikes. Listen to what’s bothering them and offer whatever help – even if it’s just sympathy – you can.
– Give gifts.
Take advantages of opportunities to give material tokens of your love. Just the right book picked up at the bookstore, a special dessert, a piece of jewelry or clothing you noticed at the store – anything small or large that tells them you were thinking of them. Leave a love note for them, or send them an SMS at work to “I love you” – again, the little reminder that they’re always on your mind will help your partner feel better about themselves and secure in your relationship.
– Respond gracefully to your partner’s demands and shortcomings.
A big killer of relationships is unreasonable expectations. Unless you married a robot, your partner comes pre-loaded with a whole range of human failures and foibles. These are features, not bugs! Learn to recognize and appreciate your partner’s quirks for what they are: an essential part of who they are as people. Since our weaknesses are often at the core of our deepest insecurities, make sure you don’t pick on or otherwise go out of your way to highlight your partner’s flaws.
– Make "alone time" a priority.
No matter how busy both of your lives are, make sure you commit at least an evening every week or two to be alone together. Have new experiences, share your stories, and just generally enjoy each other’s company.
– Take nothing for granted.
Cultivate a daily sense of gratitude for your partner and the thousands of little blessings he or she has brought into your life. Remember that, if you’re happy in your relationship, your partner is doing a thousand little things for you every day to make your relationship work (as, hopefully, you are for them). Never take that for granted – a relationship is work of the highest order, and the second you stop it starts to slide away.
– Strive for equality.
Make sure you follow the Golden Rule in your relationship: do unto your partner as you would have done unto you. Strive for a fair division of household duties and other tasks, and don’t expect or demand special considerations you’d be unwilling to offer in return.
The secrets of successful love relationships
Every relationship needs a solid foundation if it's to survive all life can throw at it. The seven essentials that spell success.
1. Love yourself
Unless you love yourself, it's hard for you to believe that anyone else will.
Self-esteem is important for a healthy relationship. When you truly like yourself, in spite of any failings and weaknesses you may have, you'll feel confident. And when you feel confident and secure within yourself, you can enjoy being with your partner for the joy they bring to your life, not because you feel you need them to survive.
If you've had bad experiences in the past, it's worth working through these issues with a trusted friend or counsellor. It can be tempting to lean on your partner and rely on them for reassurance, but the stronger you are as an individual, the stronger and more equal your relationship will be.
2. Like your partner
Healthy relationships happen between two people who really like each other. It may be more romantic to talk about love, but it's important to remember that love is an emotion that comes and goes.
If you genuinely like each other, enjoy being together, agree with how each other thinks and behaves, and share the same dreams in life, then loving feelings will never be too far away.
It's important to tell your partner you like them, too. Warm words of encouragement and support build trust and respect. Add the odd compliment as well and you'll be helping to boost their self-esteem.
3. Make quality time
The importance of things can be measured by the amount of time we're willing to give them. When a couple first gets together, they instinctively prioritise their relationship. But as time goes by and life gets busier with work and children, time together often slips down the list of priorities.
If you don't spend regular quality time together, chances are you'll drift apart. Making such time for each other may mean sacrificing other activities, but remember it's an investment in your future happiness.
4. Communicate
Good communication is essential for a healthy relationship. It's the only way you can tell your partner who you are, what you want and why you behave the way you do. Talking is the way we let each other into our private worlds.
Communicating better is about learning to say openly and honestly exactly what you think and feel. It also means listening to your partner without judgement.
5. Argue well
It's important to accept that arguments are a normal part of a relationship. We're all unique and so we're bound to have our differences.
Couples who argue well don't have to worry about not always agreeing. A good argument is an opportunity to share your feelings and strengthen your bond by reaching a decision you're both happy with. It can be an experience that leaves you both feeling more confident about your relationship and brings you closer together.
6. Touch every day
Touching is a vital human need. Studies have shown that without touching, many animals - including humans - will die in childhood. Being caressed also lowers blood pressure and releases natural opiates in the brain, as well as the chemical oxytocin, which is essential for human pair-bonding.
Touch has the power to comfort and support, to protect and encourage, to relax and, of course, to arouse. Every couple knows their sex life may have dry periods, but our need for physical affection never changes.
7. Accept change
People change over the years and it's these changes that can keep a relationship alive. Life changes too - and not always in ways that we want.
Change can provide opportunities for growth and intimacy, but it can also be painful. It may mean adjusting to a new way of thinking or a new way of life. It may also mean letting go of things that have been familiar and safe.
In successful relationships, couples learn to adapt and change together. They accept that change is an inevitable part of human life and support each other, for better for worse.
Keeping all seven principles going isn't easy, but the more you can manage on a regular basis, the stronger your relationships will be.
The Relationship between two good friends
What is friendship, and love? Is there a difference? These are two of the questions that have always intrigued most people. Unfortunately, precise and concise answers to such a question cannot be given. The least that can be said about these two is that both complement each other and that friendship is a subset of love! Friends are a gift of God. If we have good friends, we should assume that God has showered us with His unlimited grace. What does a good friend mean? What are the differences between ordinary friends and good friends? What is friendship? Let us begin our enquiry by asking about what is friendship? Can it be defined? What is the relationship of friendship? What qualities does this relationship have? When two persons share common interests, care for each other, enjoy being together and help each other, they are called as friends. Is this a correct definition? It broadly covers the areas of friendship.
Friendship is not a state of mind, it's an act. It's something you do, it's not about whether you're good or not, it's not a reflection of you, it's a balanced relationship between people. It varies from person to person. But to define friendship loosely one could say that:
We call those people our friends whom;
– We care and are ready to help us during times of distress
– With whom we share most of our thoughts
– We can always count upon our during an emergency
Friendship and love are not quite the same thing, although there's a lot of love around friendship. We are always sure that our friend will understand why we acted in a certain way. We need not explain anything to our very good friends. The friendship is so deep and the relationship is so intimate, that most of the things are automatically understood by our friends. For being a good friend, we should share more of these qualities. Is that right? Say, you share some interests with your friend, and there are few things that interest you, but are of no interest to your friend. Does this make your friendship ordinary? Sit back and count your good friends. Now count the interests that you share and those that you don’t. Is there any mathematical formula? Can one be a good friend, even if one shares very few interests? Provided of course, that our qualities that I mentioned above are in plenty?
What about caring for each other? Many a times, we find that friends are careless in their relationship, but when it comes to crunch situations, they come forward with all their might and show tremendous care. Does this imply, that even if a friend is not much caring on a day-to-day basis, he/she can still be a good friend, if there is a strong affinity that brings them together? Let us talk of enjoying each other’s company. Does this mean that good friends avoid others? Are they always found together? What if they don’t meet each other for a month? This relationship is indefinable. Isn’t it? Because being a good friend of someone may mean that we care for each other deeply, but need not show it always. We are ready to help whenever the need arises. That even if we are not together all the time, we love being together. We defend each other whenever any external threat arises. The last test is the final test of good friendship. Friends may remain away for a long period and continue
with their life, but when the need arises, they are together. They share a bond that ties them together. They have shared so much with each other that the past always carries itself in the future.
Friendship means that we like each other. We have shared some great moments together. We value and respect each other. Unless there is a bond of hearts and emotions, no outward sign can make a friendship good.
Platonic Relationships: Can Men and Women Just Be Close Friends?
Sometimes close friendships develop between men and women that seem to offer advantages over traditional relationships. They can share their ups and downs without being burdened by any expectations of having to provide the answers to each other's problems. Perhaps one or both of them are coming out of painfulrelationships and they therefore enjoy the opportunity to interact without the added stress of physical intimacy. Platonicrelationships can be beneficial on both sides, but are they feasible to sustain over the long haul?Though the notion of suchrelationships continues to persist, the fact remains that few of the people involved in them manage to resist the temptation to want to move things to the next level. A warm and close interaction indicates that affection is present, and it's only natural that we would want to give it an outlet. Human beings express themselves as much through their bodies as through their words.Nor is "heating up" an innocent friendship the only way of ending it. What if the two people feel no attraction towards each other? Then they will (unless they plan on entering a monastery) inevitably get involved with other people. It's very rare that a platonic connection can survive a new relationship, because its dynamics will almost certainly shift. A man, for example, would have a new confidante: his girlfriend. She may - quite understandably - feel threatened by his connection with another female. He can then either sacrifice the platonic friendship if his needs are being met by his girlfriend, or else hold onto it because he has a unique interaction with his friend - and this would put strain on the relationship. If his platonic friend enters into a relationship herself, then the rules of engagement can become too complicated for anyone to get their head around. Just like any other relationship, platonic relationships have got their own challenges. It can be very hard to maintain a platonic relationship without having some feeling for your friend. The more time you spend with a member of the opposite sex the more you grow to love them and appreciate them. You might even start seeing them attractive and start having imagination of how the two of you would look like if you were together. You might even go ahead and ask your platonic friend if you can stop being just friends and start being more. Your platonic friend might not take it nicely and you might end up loosing a great friendship. Your partner might not get it that what you have with your friend is just a platonic relationship and nothing else to it. They might even try to break you up with your friend. You are then left to choose between your partner and your friend which is a hard thing to do. If you choose not to break up with your platonic friend it could be reason enough for you and your partner to have constant fights. Your friends too might not accept that what the two of you have is just pure friendship and nothing else. You will constantly have to explain to everyone around you that the two of you are just friends who like any other friends in the world share each other's joy and sorrow and that you enjoy each other's company. In a platonic relationship, you might encounter a problem of drawing a boundary when it comes to sex. In a platonic relationship, the partners might find it hard to resist their sexual desires. This is particularly hard if the two of you are single and your sexual desires are not met. You might all decide to indulge in sexual pleasures forgetting that your friendship was not based on sex in the first place. It might also happen that the other person does not quite approve of this and you end up loosing your friendship. You are left with constant fear of telling your platonic friend the truth because you do not want to loose them. At the same time you are being dishonest to your friend. You cannot totally be free to treat a platonic relationship like you would any other friendship. You are left worrying about how your friend will interpret a certain gesture. You could have done it out of a friendship point of view but your friend totally misinterprets you. For example, you can hug and kiss a friend every time you meet with them in a public place. When it comes to a platonic friend you become a little preserved about it. This is because you worry about what your friend will think and say and at the same time you are not so sure what kind of message you are sending to your platonic friend. They could interpret the kisses and hugs as a go on and be my boyfriend or girlfriend.
Times are changing and nowadays they exists good relationships between members of the opposite sex. These relationships are popularly know as Platonic relationships. In this relationship you can do everything friends do except to have sex. Platonic relationships can only survive if both parties are honest with themselves and there is no one who is in the relationship for other things but friendship. It is however common for people who were in a platonic relationship to end up having a romantic relationship. It is actually said that successful relationship start of with the couple being friends first. This is because, when you get to know a person, you will tend to fall in love with their characters. You might even find them attractive once you stay long with them. However if you are in a platonic relationship and you have a romantic relationship, this is what you should do.You should come clean to your boyfriend or girlfriend and tell them you have a platonic relationship. You should assure them that even though the other person is your best friend you do not have a romantic feeling for them. What you have is a feeling of care and friendship. Make sure you introduce the two of them to each other. This is to avoid a lot of misunderstanding between the two of them. This will also tell your partner that you are being honest and there is nothing wrong that you are doing with your platonic mate.Whenever the three of you are together, you should make sure that the person you are having a platonic relationship with respects your mate and gives them the respect they deserve. If he or she should do something that is generally unacceptable you should make a point of telling them it was unacceptable. You should not always take sides with your platonic friend. Even if they are always right. You can choose not to be on any one's side if you are arguing about something. If you take sides with your platonic friend your boyfriend or girlfriend might misinterpret it to be that you are in love with them. You might also find it hard to convince them otherwise if you keep taking your platonic friend side.Treat your platonic relationships as you would any friendship. You should never flirt with your platonic friend for whatever reason. This is because once you start flirting you might never know when to stop. Though it is okay to hug your friends and kiss them, you should watch carefully how you treat your platonic friend. Do not give a lingering hug, one that might suggests that you love them and you would wish their were your boyfriend or girlfriend. You should also behave appropriately when his or here mate is around. If you act jealous your boyfriend or girlfriend might be forced to think you have some feeling for them. Treat their mate with respect. You can even compliment them on their choice of mate so that they do not get confused about your stand.
No comments:
Post a Comment